BEIJING, China — Chinese president Xi Jinping announced here yesterday evening in a press conference that the Chinese government has mandated a lifetime supply of high-grade cigar to former Philippine president Fidel V. Ramos (FVR) as a token of gratitude for his role as special envoy of the Philippines to China recently.
This news happened right at the cusp of FVR’s resignation as envoy stating that he has done his job.
Pres. Jinping emphasized that the supplier of FVR’s cigar is not a China-based company. “It’s not even Cuban. We want FVR to experience a non-socialist cigar — something he’s used to for the past decades.” When pressed for the name of the cigar company, Jinping said, “Tabacalera Incorporada.” Our researchers at the Philippines office said that this cigar company is based in Dasmarinas, Cavite.
Asked why he chose a Philippine-firm to supply the cigars, Jinping responded, “As soon as we annex Scarborough Shoal, we intend to buy this Filipino cigar company and change the company name to Marborough, in honor of the Scarborough, to provide competition to a leading cigarette brand.”
A few hours later at 8:OO AM Taipei Standard Time November 2, FVR released a statement via his Friendster account saying, “I will throw away my Vape and return to Cuban cigars. Arigatogozaimashita China.”
FVR’s cigars are never lit in his mouth. In a magazine interview with Cigar Aficionado magazine, he discussed the health benefits of cigar.
“Several cigar advocates swear by having a smoke as a means of relieving stress, and maintain that the benefits outweigh the risks. We have previously referred to the spiritual quality of smoking a fine cigar,” FVR said.
Ali Mogmogan, RRN China correspondent