BOGOTA, Columbia — Colombia’s largest rebel group Fuerzas Armadas Revolucionarias Terroristas Colombianas or FARTC yesterday issued an engraged statement on what appears to be their suspicion of foul play on the recent Miss Universe 2015 where Miss Colombia Ariadna Gutierrez took home second prize.
The South American country’s representative was declared Miss Universe 2015 for a minute, but only due to a major error by host Steve Harvey, who later stopped the Colombian party and clarified Miss Philippines had won.
FARTC demanded the pageant organizers to return the crown to Colombia with threats of house arrest to Queen Pia Wurtzbach who would be taken to their hideout Naboo. The FARTC representative Col. Maloliente Enojado said that their federation plans to carry out the abduction before the annual pod race scheduled December of next year.
“If they would want to rescue Queen Wurtzbach, they will only accept as negotiators United Nations Col. (Ret.) Qui-Gon Jin and his aide-de-camp Lieutenant Obi Wan Kenobi.
It is common knowledge in Colombia that the conflict between FARTC and the organizers of the pageant goes a long way back since the regular spite with Donald Trump, the previous owner of the pageant.
Col. Enojado said, “Durante mucho tiempo he odiado Donald Trump. En palabras de Achmed el terrorista muerto, ‘te mato.'” (For a long time I have hated Donald Trump. In the words of Achmed the Dead Terrorist, “I kill you.”)