Paris Hilton in Manila to Meet Selfie Churches


MANILA, Philippines — Paris Hilton arrived in the Philippines on Saturday amid heavy security for to inaugurate the country’s Association of Selfie Churches Across the Land (ASCAL).

In a blue maxi dress, black leather jacket and accessorised with a large stone necklace and oversized sunglasses, Hilton arrived in Manila at around 10 a.m. Sunday at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport. From there she proceeded to a press interview at Hotel Sofitel.

“I’m here because the guys at ASCAL invited me. They think I’m their role model.” Hilton said to the press. She also mentioned that the selfie church movement continues to grow as evidenced by the explosion of selfish Christians who are merely concerned about their security and quiet time.

Hilton created a stir at one point during the interview as she started to shake vigorously, her eyes turned white and her head turned a full 360 degrees after which she said in a deep, raspy Batman voice, “Churches must have a low view of God and of Scripture. Christians must not get involved in the problems of society. They must be so self-centered to the point that all they ever do is take selfies all the time beto beto beto beto!”

Selfie Christianity in the Philippines

The emergence of the selfie Christianity is quite a big phenomenon in the Philippines. Despite the country’s dominant Christian populace, 12% of which are evangelicals the Philippines was perceived to be the most corrupt in the Asia-Pacific Region according to the annual corruption survey conducted by the Political and Economic Risk Consultancy based in Hong Kong. The country was also ranked as the 4th most corrupt country according to a similar survey by the same consulting group.

While this condition seems to deteriorate, ironically on the other hand the emergence of selfie churches and selfie Christianity continue to grow. The chasm continues to grow deeper and deeper, much to the delight of the churches at ASCAL.

Stupid is the new black

Hilton also expressed her excitement to meet pastors whose ultimate goal in life is to craft sermons that neither aim at glorifying God nor promote community solidarity. “I love the stupid pastor. Stupid is the next black,” she said shrugging her shoulders in delight.

Hilton is scheduled to inaugurate ASCAL’s new member church, the globally minded Selfie International Church of Kalookan (SICK) which will coincide with the installation of new officers of ASCAL. SICK recently held back to back prophetic conferences lead by Indian prophet Sadhu Selveraj. They folded up after two days because members of the Reversal Ministry picketed the streets outside SICK led by Rabashika “Raba” Rabakanda.

Raba is a self-confessed false prophet and has received news mileage recently because he has reversed Sadhu’s curses and brouhaha.


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