Villanueva reverses Anti-Modern Pharisees Movement

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QUEZON CITY, Philippines — Jesus is Lord Chief Executive Officer Eddie Villanueva disowned the Facebook group Anti-Modern Pharisees Movement (AMPM) citing bad testimony and Satanic activity.

In an interview at DZBB last Monday, Villanueva explained to Dobol A sa Dobol B announcer Arnold Clavio that AMPM has deteriorated from a concern group to a maligning and demonic group.

“Hindi ko na alam kung anong sumapi sa mga admins nyang group na yan kasi mukhang hindi lang isa kundi mangilan ilang sapi ang meron,” Villanueva explained. He said he is making necessary actions to remove the name of the admins from the book of life.

Two days ago Facebook decided to take down the AMPM site. In a baffling diabolical move, AMPM reactivated. Some observers think this was a show of dark force.

“Bwahahahahaha bwahahahahaha,” chuckled Myrna, one of the Admins, while also spewing some of the most repugnant scent coming from a person’s mouth. Meanwhile, Dan, who is suffering from multiple personality disorder and very bad grammar decided to form a chat discussions among his clones. “We had a great time speaking to myself,” said Dan, afterwhich he went back to the Christian school where he teaches and foment hypocrisy.

You can visit this demonic group here.

Some of the response they give is like this admin who is my reverse name-sake:

rabaclone rabaclone2

Paris Hilton in Manila to Meet Selfie Churches

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MANILA, Philippines — Paris Hilton arrived in the Philippines on Saturday amid heavy security for to inaugurate the country’s Association of Selfie Churches Across the Land (ASCAL).

In a blue maxi dress, black leather jacket and accessorised with a large stone necklace and oversized sunglasses, Hilton arrived in Manila at around 10 a.m. Sunday at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport. From there she proceeded to a press interview at Hotel Sofitel.

“I’m here because the guys at ASCAL invited me. They think I’m their role model.” Hilton said to the press. She also mentioned that the selfie church movement continues to grow as evidenced by the explosion of selfish Christians who are merely concerned about their security and quiet time.

Hilton created a stir at one point during the interview as she started to shake vigorously, her eyes turned white and her head turned a full 360 degrees after which she said in a deep, raspy Batman voice, “Churches must have a low view of God and of Scripture. Christians must not get involved in the problems of society. They must be so self-centered to the point that all they ever do is take selfies all the time beto beto beto beto!”

Selfie Christianity in the Philippines

The emergence of the selfie Christianity is quite a big phenomenon in the Philippines. Despite the country’s dominant Christian populace, 12% of which are evangelicals the Philippines was perceived to be the most corrupt in the Asia-Pacific Region according to the annual corruption survey conducted by the Political and Economic Risk Consultancy based in Hong Kong. The country was also ranked as the 4th most corrupt country according to a similar survey by the same consulting group.

While this condition seems to deteriorate, ironically on the other hand the emergence of selfie churches and selfie Christianity continue to grow. The chasm continues to grow deeper and deeper, much to the delight of the churches at ASCAL.

Stupid is the new black

Hilton also expressed her excitement to meet pastors whose ultimate goal in life is to craft sermons that neither aim at glorifying God nor promote community solidarity. “I love the stupid pastor. Stupid is the next black,” she said shrugging her shoulders in delight.

Hilton is scheduled to inaugurate ASCAL’s new member church, the globally minded Selfie International Church of Kalookan (SICK) which will coincide with the installation of new officers of ASCAL. SICK recently held back to back prophetic conferences lead by Indian prophet Sadhu Selveraj. They folded up after two days because members of the Reversal Ministry picketed the streets outside SICK led by Rabashika “Raba” Rabakanda.

Raba is a self-confessed false prophet and has received news mileage recently because he has reversed Sadhu’s curses and brouhaha.

Villanueva eyeing Tagle as running mate

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MANILA, Philippines — JIL founder and senior pastor Eduardo “Bro. Eddie” Villanueva confirmed on Friday that he is considering, among others, Archbishop Luis Tagle as his running mate in 2016.

“Kino-consider (He is being considered),” said Villanueva when asked if Tagle would be his running mate.

“Oo. Parang ‘yong si Fr. Tagle, kino-consider, etc. Di ba ang sabi sa Ingles, it ain’t over ‘til it’s over. In other words, it ain’t over kung sino ang magiging vice presidential candidate ko hanggang sa hindi namin dinedeclare,” he said.

(Yes, Fr. Tagle is being considered. As they say, it ain’t over ‘til it’s over. In other words, it ain’t over as to who would be my Vice Presidential bet until we declare it.)

He is also quite impressed at a portmanteau of their name: eTag. He said that it sounds “modern” and “Facebookie.”

But Intercessors for the Philippines national director Dan Balais had earlier dismissed talks that the Archbishop would run with Villanueva as running mate because he (Balais) also expressed intentions to Villanueva to be running mate. “I want to follow a prophetic utterance given me by Prophet Sadhu Selveraj that I will be the second highest executive in the land.”

Villanueva said many factors are being considered in choosing his tandem.

“Di ba, kailangan ay mas gwapo kaysa sa akin (He is supposed to be more handsome than me),” he said in jest.

Turning serious, Villanueava said his group has been looking for those who want to run for the Senate to avoid what happened in 2013 where they failed to fill up all 12 slots in the senatorial race.

“Ayaw na naming maranasan ‘yong nangyari noong nakaraan. Hindi kami nakabuo [dahil] sa kakulangan ng oras (We don’t want to experience what happened before when we failed to fill up the slate due to lack of time),” he said.

So far, Villanueva has named boxing icon and Saranggani Representative Manny Pacquiao as one of those included in the slate saying, “We want to Christianize this country so I’m choosing only Christians. We will convert war-torn Mindanao into a Christian colony. Fr. Tagle and I will demonize any effort to thwart us. Biblical times call for biblical measures.”

He refused to name the others who have  sure slots in his ticket.

Balais disappointed

Balais reportedly is mum over the whole issue but evidence of anger can be seen in his face. “My simple dream is for Bro. Eddie to be senior pastor of the Philippines and I’m the high priest,” he said. For many years Villanueva and Balais have been in spiritual tag team focusing in fooling the Filipino people about certain prophetic utterances by Sadhu. 

Early this March, an up and coming prophet by the name of Rabashika “Raba” Rabakanda came to the scene and “reversed” the curse of Sadhu on the Philippines. Since then the threesome of Villanueva, Balais and Sadhu have been tiptoeing in power. Rabashika’s ministry has given them a nasty blow.

Since then, Raba has ventured into entrepreneurship selling printed shirts to his followers. “I have reversed them and now my mission is finished. I’m not into selling shirts. When another false prophet arises, who you gonna call?” Raba said in a radio interview.

POC chair protests on Sen. Alan’s “racist” comments

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MANILA, Philippines – A day after Sen. Alan Peter Cayetano expressed his intentions to run on 2016, controversy erupts.

Philippine Olympic Committee (POC) President Jose Cojuangco Jr. expressed concerns today over the statement of Cayetano on running saying that the topic was “racist.”

At ANC yesterday Cayetano was asked for a categorical answer if he would run for the presidency in 2016, Cayetano said he does not want to run, but rather, he wants to win, adding, “Running is easy.”

This statement drew a lot of flak from Cojuangco.

Cojuangco censured Cayetano saying, “This is not very Christian of him.” According to Garcia, running is not an easy thing to do.  He said that since running is the dominant form of racing in the human species, this Cayetano comment is racist. “See the connection? He shouldn’t be making racist comments in this modern age,” he said.

Cojuangco further added that the PSC gives a huge chunk of its budget on track and field. “It’s just unfair to malign or mistreat running by a national legislator,” Cojuangco said. He added further that Cayetano needs a little bit of running to arrest his expanding beer belly. “Yeah, run for presidency, but also run with your sister every morning,” he said sarcastically.

Recently Senators lash out at POC over poor state of Philippine sports. According to Cojuangco, this is just another of those smear campaigns launched by the senate against him because of his relation with Kris Aquino. “Why do you keep on blaming me for her accent and Darla?”

Questioned on his defense of running, Cojuangco took out his iPad with a Hello Kitty jacket which according to him was a gift from his niece Kris Aquino: “See running is even a subject in Wiki.” This it turns out is a true statement. Wikipedia.com indeed has a topic “Running.”

A Devout Christian and Public Servant

Cayetano is a devout Christian and has an impeccable history of integrity and dedication as former Taguig executive and now a senator. He is a true public servant by heart. He expressed his intentions recently to run for highest national office in 2016. “I want to be president of this country some day. I think I can do something great for God and our people. But is 2016 my time or is it 2022, 2028 or never?” he said.

Even though he said he has not yet decided, Cayetano admitted he has started preparing for a possible bid.

Cayetano on the Philippines’ first black vice president

Cayetano targeted Binay in his internal polls and said there are certain areas of the country where he was able to score higher than the Vice President.

“Is it a fluke? Why do they like me there better?” Cayetano said.

Cayetano reiterated he has no intention of pursuing the vice presidency because this would be viewed as being nothing but a stepping stone toward the presidency.

“It’s like a flat tire. I was once a vice mayor. I was allied with the mayor but his people and my people did nothing but sow intrigue between us. Those people kept on hoping that one of us would be removed,” he said.

SMC Withdraws to Construct Philippines Mama Mary Mega Healing Shrine

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MANILA, Philippines — A deal between San Miguel Corp. (SMC) and healing priest Fr. Fernando Suarez to build a “mega-shrine” to Mother Mary with a statue that would be taller than the 30-meter-high Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro has collapsed, the Philippine Daily Inquirer has learned, because of the growing pressure from leading pharmaceuticals in the Philippines.

Amy Schulman (Pfizer), president of the Association of Pharmaceuticals Ogranized for Governance (APOG), an association focused on pharmaceutical-related government actions, includes Pfizer, Zuelig Pharma, Glaxo Smith Kline, Novartis, Sanofi-Aventis, Wyeth and Squibb among others, expressed their indignation over the materials to be used in the building of the said shrine.

According to Schulman, they question the use of medical compounds to be mixed to the concrete. Fr. Suarez explains that the reason why the Board of Trustees of his foundation, the Mary Mother of the Poor Foundation, would like to use medical mix to the concrete because people can nibble on the concrete and be healed. Schulman objected that this would be unfair business practice because a mega shrine to solve the healing needs of the country would kill the pharmaceutical agencies.

“The deal is off,” said a source familiar with SMC’s side of the issue, pointing to the pressure put by APOG.

The agreement for the donation of SMC’s 33-hectare property in Alfonso, Cavite, was reached four years ago. The shrine was to be called “The Healing Center of the Blessed Virgin Mary at Monte Maria.” From all indications, however, this plan will no longer push through, or at least not on the same site.

SMC and the MMP are set to announce this week that they will dissolve their agreement on the donation located in SMC’s 125-hectare property.

The source noted that the MMP had asked for an extension, but that SMC was not inclined to agree to it.

“If San Miguel had seen that APOG is a not a major threat, I think it would have been inclined to give an extension,” the source said, adding that the foundation has so far failed to present viable alternatives for the medicine ingredients mixed in concrete.

This jibes with information from MMP officials. They conceded that the estimated P1 billion needed to build the shrine was beyond their ability to raise even if they use generic medicine.

SMC concerns

More importantly, however, SMC officials had grown increasingly concerned in recent years about the mixing of medicine in the concrete. These consist of tons and tons of generic capsules and syrups. They said that if they mix more than what was needed, they fear that devotees nibbling  on the statue would get drug overdose. So they chose another cement mixture.

APOG is said to have threatened SMC that they will disclose that SMC intends to use beer in their cement mix. Beer will give devotess a feeling of lightness from the mega statue mimicking healing.